childhood, parenthood, school, school bathrooms, Yakir

Mommy, There Are No Locks On Da Doors


Typically, as we are trying to put the kids to bed, Yakir comes up with some deep idea or some gripe that simply must be aired at that exact second.

Last night was one such night. Here is how it went.

“Ok sweetie, get into bed.”

“And one other thing,” he begins, even though he wasn’t in the middle of saying anything. “Mommy, I have to tell you what happened yesterday. Did I tell you? Well, I got off da bus after school and I had to poop so, so badly. And I went down da stairs (you know da stairs mommy, with the windy thing and then you end up at the bottom and then you go down the next part, right Mommy? Mommy, are you listening!) Ok so then I got to our street but I knew, I just knew that I wasn’t going to make it home. So I knocked on Rami’s door and when his Mommy answered I yelled ‘Can I poop here!!!???’ and I barely made it to da bathroom. Barely.”

“Ok shoot Yakir. That must have really been stressful for you. Can you try to poop at school before the last class? So you won’t have this happen when you get home?”

“Well, Mommy.” (I promise these were his words.) “The bathrooms are NEVER locked. They don’t even have locks! Wait a minute,” he says pointing his finger at me and schooling me. “Just stay here.”

He runs upstairs and comes back with something in his hand. “Dis! Dis!” he yells, brandishing the accusing object close to my nose (but not slowly enough for me to see it). “Dis is a lock I found in da bathroom on da floor. On Da Floor! I brought it home just to show you that da doors have no locks. No Locks! So I can’t poop there. No way!”
Yes, folks. Dis is the lock.
Trying to keep my composure in the face of a clearly frustrating situation, but actually stunned that my son has brought the evidence home to show me, I start, “Um, ok Yakir. Let’s think this out.”

Just at this moment, Zeli appears for bed. “What’s going on?”

“Da Bathrooms! Da Bathrooms!” Yakir yells, now having gotten himself into a genuine tizzy.

“Zeli,” I begin, trying to cut Yakir off. “Do you have bathrooms that you use at school that have locks.”

“Yes! We have great bathrooms. And all the doors have locks.”
Now I’m ready to kiss him. “Really?”

“Yeah, there are three bathrooms and they all have locks. Kiri, Kiri calm down. I’ll show you tomorrow. You know where our bathrooms are. You can use them! Calm down. You can use them!”

And with that, the crisis diffuses and they go to bed.

I took the guilty lock to show to Josh…and to show to the head of the school.

Another day. Another Yakir story.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for the emergency poop help, friends. You know who you are.
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