Recently, I was wearing this cute top that makes me feel like royalty. Why? Well, not because I’m moving to Canada, or disowning my family or anything. More because I can’t do a darn thing in it. I can’t work in it, or cook in it, or even really eat. It’s cute and elegant, but seriously, who can wear such a design?

I got to work and thought, no problem, it will just flow around me. And it sort of did, in between getting caught in the keyboard, and almost ripping on a door handle and smacking me in the face a few times.

So then I thought…ok so it’s not the most practical work shirt. But royalty doesn’t work – so no problem! I’ll just go home and lie around. But who am I kidding? Lie around isn’t really in my name.

I started trying to make dinner, but there is literally no way that anyone wearing this design has ever – ever – cooked in it. The sleeves hang down into the onions on the chopping board, so even if I manage not to chop off one sleeve (which might have helped my problems) I certainly smell like stinky onion by the time the sautéeing process is done. I told my kids to take over the cooking and I lorded over them like the royalty that I apparently am.

Then I thought – ok so it’s not practical as a cooking shirt. Who needs to cook anyway? And then we sat down to dinner and I realized – for crying out loud! I couldn’t even eat in the darn thing. Every time that I reached over for some more pasta, I dragged my sleeves right through my plate. And that was with my arm four feet above the plate. And then when I tried to lift the fork to my mouth…I found myself eating my shirt.

For whom, exactly, was this design intended?

One of my friends at work told me that she loves bell sleeves (so that’s what they are called, huh). And that she wore them in her wedding dress design. Bingo! On your wedding day, you don’t work, you don’t cook and you certainly don’t eat. So maybe bell sleeves were only intended for royalty and for those getting married.

Seems a bit impractical. But then no one ever said that fashion was made to be practical. Well, unless you want to work, cook or eat in the course of the day.

This is starting to sound like a good excuse for getting nothing done all day…while losing weight.

Bell sleeves it is for me, everyday! If you need me, I’ll be the one lying around and looking royal.